This post contains descriptions of an abusive relationship between gay men. Unfortunately there are not many resources out there for gay men in abusive relationships but if you are in one please seek support.
The apartment was in almost complete darkness, except for the display on the microwave, the few other digital clocks, and the glow of power indicators as Spencer lay flat on his back on the living room floor with headphones over his ears listening to a third podcast. It was a the tranquility he needed after his long day at work.
He had contemplated smoking a joint, masturbating, and reading a book before he turned off his computer and phone, took the two items nearest to him, and got down onto the soft carpet. It was a foolish, impractical thing to do but it reminded him of his first apartment when he had no furniture. It reminded him of when he was young an he did things like that just for the experience.
His tranquility was broken when he heard the front door open. There was no doubt it was Josh. He thought to sit up, get his things, and pretend to be busy but he felt the inertia of being relaxed and decided to not move, hope that Josh didn’t see him. He listened to his roommate enter the apartment, then head straight back to his room.
When Josh’s door didn’t close he worried that the man would be back out towards the living room where he’d be found, or worse where he’d scare him. Spencer sat up and looked for some light, some indication of what his roommate was doing but there was none. He took the headphones off one ear and listened.
Josh opened a drawer, closed it, and headed to the bathroom. Spencer heard the shower start so he decided to lay back down, put his headphones back on properly. He closed his eyes, tried to refocus on the podcast but it was no good so he paused it. The sound of the water in the shower was muffled but he listened for it to stop.
Fifteen minutes later it did. He sat up enough to see the bathroom light as Josh opened the door but then it was off and he waited. He wanted Josh to go back to his room so he could go back to his peace and quiet, but he didn’t. Josh moved to the kitchen where he turned on the light. Spencer felt more foolish so he got up from the floor and moved to the couch and sat with his headphones and MP3 player in his lap.
“Hey Josh, I’m in the living room. I didn’t want you to be scared or anything.”
“Okay,” Josh replied.
It was unemotional, unworried. Spencer looked to his laptop and thought about turning it back on but didn’t because he didn’t want to see anymore emails or posts. He listened as Josh made himself a snack, then walk to the doorway.
“What are you doing in here in the dark?”
Spencer rolled his eyes only to realize his motion couldn’t be seen as he was sitting in a shadow. Josh on the other hand was a silhouette in the archway, a handsome silhouette.
“I was just trying to relax,” Spencer said.
“Oh, okay,” Josh said. He shifted on his feet and began to turn away before he refocused on the living room where Spencer sat in the partial darkness.
“Are you busy?”
“Nope,” Spencer said. He felt the headphones in his hands and wished he had said something else, wished he had said the truth. He wanted his own personal time, his own personal space.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure,” Spencer said.
Josh moved from the entrance of the room across the floor and to the other end of the couch where he sat. He was fresh from the shower and there was an odor of soap and melon coming from him. Spencer liked the smell. He wanted to be closer to it. He wanted to taste it.
“I uh, need to talk to someone,” Josh said.
It wasn’t what Spencer had thought would happen but it felt momentous so he stopped himself from thinking further and focused his thought and his energy on Josh. He could barely make out the man’s form and yet there was some comfort in not being able to really see each other.
“Something came up the other day in the support group and it just brought up all of these feelings about Paul and our relationship. I thought about saying something to the group but it just felt so weird. It was like this thing that was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t say it but I also couldn’t forget it. I thought about saying something to Triston but he’s been really busy with Vincent and I thought about one of the other guys or one of my friends but I feel like they don’t really know me.
“I know we had our argument and it’s been kind of weird living here. I know you liked living alone and everything, but I don’t know, it’s been kind of nice being here. Then I think about Paul and it’s like I’ve been in denial or something. I mean I know it happened and I know it was wrong but I just didn’t want to think about it. When I speak about it it’s kind of all the things I’m supposed to say, the minimal things, but it just has been building in me. It feels like this knot in my stomach.
“Sometimes I just want to blurt it out at the most inappropriate times, you know, it’s like this thing that people don’t know about me and sometimes I think they should, but really I know they shouldn’t. And it’s like any little thing sets me off, or at least feels like it. The other day at work this guy kept talking about his ‘wife beater’ and it was getting to me. He just kept using the term and he was talking about his undershirt. I just wanted to grab him and...” He motioned with his hands as if he was breaking something in half. “I know it seems so stupid but it just was bothering me. I mean it’s like everyone there has this expectation of who I am and what I’ve been through but they don’t really know. They don’t know much of anything about me.”
When Josh stopped speaking Spencer sat up a little, the headphones suddenly felt heavy in his hands so he put them on the coffee table along with the MP3 player, but then they were empty and his hands themselves felt heavy.
“Maybe I shouldn’t even tell you,” Josh said.
A breath, a heartbeat, Spencer was caught off guard by the comment but forced himself to speak. He knew those words that had to be said.
“No, it’s okay,” he replied. “Really, I’m here for you. I mean I’m not the best with knowing when to do things like hold your hand or hug you but I’m here. I’ll listen.”
Josh shifted in his seat and for a moment Spencer worried he’d leave, but he didn’t. Instead Josh sat back, further into the darkness until they could barely see each other. Each knew the other person was there, as if they could feel each other in shadow, but they couldn’t really see each other.
“I want to tell you about being with Paul,” Josh said.
“Okay,” Spencer replied.
“The first time it happened we were arguing and I said something really mean to him so he slapped me. I just kind of thought it was a normal thing, you know, like couples on TV slap each other. But then, the next time it was kind of different. It was like this punishment when he wrestled me to the ground. He’s strong but he’s also trained for all these years. At first it kind of felt like we were equals and I could overpower him, so it felt like a regular fight, you know, but then I was on the ground and I just knew something was wrong.
“It became more of a punishment after that. Not really a punishment, but some act of sadism. He had this way of grabbing me by the shoulders and pushing his fingernails into my skin, more than his fingernails, his fingers. He’d come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. He’d do it if there was something he felt I had done wrong, you know, like he’d caught me so he had to punish me, but then it felt like he’d just do it to torture me. He said he thought I liked it.
“At first I thought it was easier just to go along, let him do whatever, and then we could move on with life. He wasn’t always sadistic. But then, I don’t know, I just felt like I had to get away from him, but I just felt so foolish. I mean here I am, a muscled, strong gay man in a relationship with someone older than me and I’m afraid of him. It was like I didn’t know what would set him off and it felt like if I resisted, if I challenged him, it was all of the excuse he needed.
“He could go to such dark, scary places. It was like he went into this state and he just took it so far. He’d make these jokes and the comments about suicide, or like when there was a news story about someone who murdered their husband or wife. It was subtle but they stuck with me. They were like these barbs or these tiny, little cuts. And I started to worry about if I really made him angry, if I really gave him reason to do it.
“It felt like I was underwater, but like he was my only way out. I thought about going to someone like a friend but I didn’t think there was anything they could do for me. Most of the people I knew, especially people at work or like friends, weren’t really relationships you know. When I met Triston it felt like I was at the bottom. I didn’t think about leaving Paul anymore. I thought about murdering him.”
Spencer shifted in his seat. He felt the sincerity and the weight of what he was being told and it felt like this special moment between them.
“No really, I thought about it. I thought about how to get past his fighting abilities and do it. I thought about using a knife or a weapon. I thought about poisoning him. I was so angry all of the time. I just wanted it to be over.
“That’s when I met Triston at the shop. He was just so engaging and interesting. I talked with him for hours at different times. I think he kind of knew what was going on but he didn’t say anything. He just kind of was there for me. Then, one day he just gives me this big hug. It was exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to let go because if I did I would have to go back home to Paul. I started crying and he just sat with me. I thought this is it. This is my break. I told him as much as I could and he just listened to me, then when I was done he told me I had to leave. I said I couldn’t, but he said he knew some people. He said he would help me escape and he did.
“I know I can’t go back to him but it’s like I still want this feeling of closure. I want to be able to yell at him. I want to be able to punish him or just hit him. I want to know that if I see him again we’d be like strangers and that he won’t bother me. I mean I know he loved me. He used to tell me all of the time and he’d get me gifts but it’s like a dangerous love. I hate knowing that he’s still out there. I hate thinking of him being alone, but it’s like I can’t do it. I can’t be his punching bag or some toy he breaks. I want to move on with my life.”
Spencer slowly reached across the couch to Josh until his fingers touched the man's forearm. He felt over the hair there for a moment until he maneuvered around to the man's hand where he gently took hold, laced their fingers together. It was a comfort they both needed.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
Ch 36 - In the Army
The room fell quiet as Walter, Bobby, Spencer, Triston, Darrell, and Josh took their seats around Spencer’s dinner table with boxes of Thai food spread between them. There was more than enough for them to eat. Each began to look over the dishes, take some, and pass it.
“I think I’m going to have to break up with Aden,” Spencer said.
“What? He’s so cute,” Walter said.
“Cute maybe, but he’s not that smart.”
“But he looks good naked,” Josh added.
“You saw him naked? What was it like?” Bobby asked.
“Thin and a little to the left,” Josh said.
“When did you see him naked?” Darrell asked.
“He slept over, didn’t know I had a roommate and they kind of ran into each other in the morning,” Spencer said.
“I hope not,” Bobby replied.
“He seemed like a nice guy,” Josh said.
“Not really,” Spencer replied, “he borrowed forty dollars from me a week ago and he hasn’t said a thing to me about it since. I saw him in person, we talked on the phone, and we even sent text messages.”
“Why did you give him forty dollars?” Triston asked.
“We were out shopping and he saw this shirt he really liked.”
“That was a gift,” Bobby said. “Guys buy things for me all of the time.”
“Really?” Walter asked.
“Well, okay, sometimes, but still it’s a gift.”
“This wasn’t a gift. I specifically told him it was a loan.”
“Maybe he hasn’t gotten paid yet,” Darrell suggested.
“Whatever the case it’s kind of annoying. It’s only been a week but he’s had money for lots of other stuff. In fact he even told me two days later he bought new shoes.”
“Don’t let him take advantage of you,” Walter said. “You should have him pay for something and then it would be even.”
Spencer looked down to his plate of food and shook his head. He wasn’t the type to try and pull something like that. He’d confront him maybe, but con it out of him, no way.
“Well, you don’t want to be known as a Sugar Daddy. You’re too cute for that,” Bobby said.
“Thanks, I guess. Speaking of Sugar Daddy’s, we haven’t heard about Triston and Vincent in Las Vegas. How was it?”
“It was nice,” Triston said.
“Did you ever leave the room?” Walter asked.
“Yeah, we did. We even spent some time by the pool. I was all worried about going there as a couple and I definitely had my moments of insecurity but it was nice to travel with someone. We didn’t really hold hands or anything in public, though we went to a few gay spots in the Fruit Loop. It was nice to know that we’d go back to the room together though and we could just relax.”
“Was it crowded?”
“Not really, but it there were people around. There were lots of advertisements for female strip shows and private escorts, that type of thing.”
“How much did you lose?”
“I actually didn’t gamble that much. That was more Vincent, and he actually won some money, but it wasn’t much compared to how much we spent on liquor and food. We did meet a very nice gay boy though. It was kind of funny. Vincent was at the bar and this middle aged, middle America woman came up to me and asked to use his chair. I said it was for my boyfriend.”
Everyone oohed at his boldness.
“That’s when she drops this bomb on me that her son just came out. She just told me he was gay. It was like this casual conversation. She was kind of proud I think. I was stunned, but then when the son got there she introduced us.”
“Was he hot?”
“Very, but shy, at least in front of his parents. It was kind of cute. He’s in the army and he took his family to Vegas while he was on leave. He had this whole army boy thing going for him.”
“Did you have a three way?” Walter asked.
Everyone looked to him.
“I’m just asking what everyone is thinking.”
“No,” Triston said with a shake of his head. “We went out though. He got a little too drunk at the bar. He was kind of a light weight but we got him back. The whole time in the elevator I was praying for him not to throw up. Thankfully he had his own room though.”
“Man that would have been awkward.”
“I ran into him the next day at the lunch buffet they had. We talked a little bit and we promised to stay in touch with each other. He wants to come to D.C. when his contract is up. He says there’s more jobs here.”
“I think I’m going to have to break up with Aden,” Spencer said.
“What? He’s so cute,” Walter said.
“Cute maybe, but he’s not that smart.”
“But he looks good naked,” Josh added.
“You saw him naked? What was it like?” Bobby asked.
“Thin and a little to the left,” Josh said.
“When did you see him naked?” Darrell asked.
“He slept over, didn’t know I had a roommate and they kind of ran into each other in the morning,” Spencer said.
“I hope not,” Bobby replied.
“He seemed like a nice guy,” Josh said.
“Not really,” Spencer replied, “he borrowed forty dollars from me a week ago and he hasn’t said a thing to me about it since. I saw him in person, we talked on the phone, and we even sent text messages.”
“Why did you give him forty dollars?” Triston asked.
“We were out shopping and he saw this shirt he really liked.”
“That was a gift,” Bobby said. “Guys buy things for me all of the time.”
“Really?” Walter asked.
“Well, okay, sometimes, but still it’s a gift.”
“This wasn’t a gift. I specifically told him it was a loan.”
“Maybe he hasn’t gotten paid yet,” Darrell suggested.
“Whatever the case it’s kind of annoying. It’s only been a week but he’s had money for lots of other stuff. In fact he even told me two days later he bought new shoes.”
“Don’t let him take advantage of you,” Walter said. “You should have him pay for something and then it would be even.”
Spencer looked down to his plate of food and shook his head. He wasn’t the type to try and pull something like that. He’d confront him maybe, but con it out of him, no way.
“Well, you don’t want to be known as a Sugar Daddy. You’re too cute for that,” Bobby said.
“Thanks, I guess. Speaking of Sugar Daddy’s, we haven’t heard about Triston and Vincent in Las Vegas. How was it?”
“It was nice,” Triston said.
“Did you ever leave the room?” Walter asked.
“Yeah, we did. We even spent some time by the pool. I was all worried about going there as a couple and I definitely had my moments of insecurity but it was nice to travel with someone. We didn’t really hold hands or anything in public, though we went to a few gay spots in the Fruit Loop. It was nice to know that we’d go back to the room together though and we could just relax.”
“Was it crowded?”
“Not really, but it there were people around. There were lots of advertisements for female strip shows and private escorts, that type of thing.”
“How much did you lose?”
“I actually didn’t gamble that much. That was more Vincent, and he actually won some money, but it wasn’t much compared to how much we spent on liquor and food. We did meet a very nice gay boy though. It was kind of funny. Vincent was at the bar and this middle aged, middle America woman came up to me and asked to use his chair. I said it was for my boyfriend.”
Everyone oohed at his boldness.
“That’s when she drops this bomb on me that her son just came out. She just told me he was gay. It was like this casual conversation. She was kind of proud I think. I was stunned, but then when the son got there she introduced us.”
“Was he hot?”
“Very, but shy, at least in front of his parents. It was kind of cute. He’s in the army and he took his family to Vegas while he was on leave. He had this whole army boy thing going for him.”
“Did you have a three way?” Walter asked.
Everyone looked to him.
“I’m just asking what everyone is thinking.”
“No,” Triston said with a shake of his head. “We went out though. He got a little too drunk at the bar. He was kind of a light weight but we got him back. The whole time in the elevator I was praying for him not to throw up. Thankfully he had his own room though.”
“Man that would have been awkward.”
“I ran into him the next day at the lunch buffet they had. We talked a little bit and we promised to stay in touch with each other. He wants to come to D.C. when his contract is up. He says there’s more jobs here.”
Monday, June 16, 2014
Ch 35 - Vegas
A cup of tea in his hand Triston walked the store fixing items, picking up dirt, and anything else he could think to distract himself. It was four hours until his flight out of D.C. to Las Vegas and he was worried. He had passed Cheryl for the third time when she caught his eye.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
He stopped in the doorway of the office, turned his head. He had never been one to hide his feelings. He had always been open and shared too much. That’s why he couldn’t work anywhere else, but somehow this felt different. He felt a shame unlike any other. She continued to stare at him until he felt drawn into her confidence.
“I need to talk,” he said.
“Come in and have a seat.”
“I’m just, it’s this vacation. I’m having some anxiety. I’m worried.”
“Because of the relationship?”
Triston shook his head.
“Because of Vincent’s health?”
Triston shook his head.
“Well, you’re going to have to help me honey because I can’t think of anything else.”
“I’m worried about traveling with him. It’s one thing to be gay. It’s another to be a gay couple, and it’s even more when you go out in public, especially places where you don’t know how people will react. It’s one thing around here in D.C. but out there...”
“Things are changing,” she said.
“Not fast enough to keep me safe. I mean it’s like there are places where you know what you can and can’t do. Bars, certain restaurants, and even certain streets it’s like there’s this safe place but I’ve never traveled with a boyfriend. I mean I’m not much on PDA but still, just one look and it’s just the excuse someone needs.”
“It’s not going to be that bad,” she said. “You’ll figure it out. What would be different than being here?”
“D.C. is just such a progressive place. I mean I know when I leave the city limits. I know when I’m out of my element. And I don’t want to just act like we’re friends. I don’t want to act like we’re just two guys hanging out. I’m a proud gay man. I’ve marched. I’ve come out to anyone who showed interest and some people who didn’t.”
“Have you looked up Las Vegas? Have you done some research?”
“Not really,” Triston said. “It was Vincent’s idea and I guess I just thought he’d do all the planning. He talks about it with this kind of excitement.”
“I’m going to send you some links. When I was there I saw a drag show and a production of Naked Boys Singing that was a lot of fun.”
“Really?”
“You haven’t done your homework. Wait a minute.”
Cheryl turned to her computer, pulled up her email, and began to work on a list. Triston watched her for a moment and smiled to himself. He really hadn’t thought about it.
*****
Twenty-four hours later, Vincent and Triston were poolside at their hotel, side by side in matching swimming briefs, covered from head to toe in sun-tan lotion, and wearing sunglasses. The backs of their hands comfortably rested against each other, some subtle connection that could have been an accident.
The only other person was an old woman who sat on the opposite side of the pool looking away from them with a cigarette in one hand and a book in the other. It was comfortable, sunny day.
Triston had his eyes closed when he felt Vincent move, his hand was gone. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Vincent putting on a robe.
“I’m going for a drink. Do you want something?”
“Maybe I should dry out,” Triston said.
“This is Vegas. I’ll get you what you had before.”
“Thanks,” Triston said.
He closed his eyes and raised his chin again into the sun. He listened to Vincent pad across the concrete to the bar where a lonely server sat transfixed with his cell phone. For once he felt comfortable, until he heard someone approaching who wasn’t Vincent. He opened his eyes to see a middle aged woman at the foot of his chair.
“Is that chair taken?”
“Uh yeah,” Triston said.
He looked to the woman and he suddenly felt uncomfortable because she was so much like his mother. She wasn’t dressed for the pool but her clothes were loose and open.
“We’re just trying to get some chairs together for the family,” she said.
Maybe it was the mention of family, maybe it was the presumption of them being heterosexual, maybe it was all that fear he had felt all of his life, and maybe it was a revolt against shame but his lips began to move faster than his brain.
“Sorry,” he said, “it’s where my boyfriend was sitting. He’s over at the bar.”
She smiled at him, then looked to the bar, and back. It was a sincere smile, though he feared it would turn cruel at any moment. He forced a smile of his own.
“He’s cute,” she said. “You know my son just came out recently. He’s in the armed services so it had to have been after they got rid of that ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. Don’t even get me started on that.”
Triston stopped himself from a nervous laugh.
“He’s here in town with the family but there’s a big difference in age between him and his younger brother. Well, big enough that I know he needs to get out an do adult things. He doesn’t have any friends here, maybe I should introduce you to him.”
Triston looked back to the bar where he saw Vincent walking away with a tray of drinks and snacks, but he wasn’t moving fast enough. Triston wanted rescued from this situation, but he looked back to the woman who moved to him and offered her hand. They shook.
“I’m Maggie,” she said.
“Triston,” he replied.
“When he gets here do you mind if I send him over to say hello?”
“No, not at all,” Triston said.
She walked away and moments later Vincent arrived. He placed the tray on the small table between them, scratched at himself.
“What was that about?”
“She wants us to meet her son. He just came out as gay and he’s here for the weekend but he doesn’t have any friends, and he’s in the armed services.”
“Is he cute?” Vincent asked.
“You know, that didn’t come up,” Triston answered.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
He stopped in the doorway of the office, turned his head. He had never been one to hide his feelings. He had always been open and shared too much. That’s why he couldn’t work anywhere else, but somehow this felt different. He felt a shame unlike any other. She continued to stare at him until he felt drawn into her confidence.
“I need to talk,” he said.
“Come in and have a seat.”
“I’m just, it’s this vacation. I’m having some anxiety. I’m worried.”
“Because of the relationship?”
Triston shook his head.
“Because of Vincent’s health?”
Triston shook his head.
“Well, you’re going to have to help me honey because I can’t think of anything else.”
“I’m worried about traveling with him. It’s one thing to be gay. It’s another to be a gay couple, and it’s even more when you go out in public, especially places where you don’t know how people will react. It’s one thing around here in D.C. but out there...”
“Things are changing,” she said.
“Not fast enough to keep me safe. I mean it’s like there are places where you know what you can and can’t do. Bars, certain restaurants, and even certain streets it’s like there’s this safe place but I’ve never traveled with a boyfriend. I mean I’m not much on PDA but still, just one look and it’s just the excuse someone needs.”
“It’s not going to be that bad,” she said. “You’ll figure it out. What would be different than being here?”
“D.C. is just such a progressive place. I mean I know when I leave the city limits. I know when I’m out of my element. And I don’t want to just act like we’re friends. I don’t want to act like we’re just two guys hanging out. I’m a proud gay man. I’ve marched. I’ve come out to anyone who showed interest and some people who didn’t.”
“Have you looked up Las Vegas? Have you done some research?”
“Not really,” Triston said. “It was Vincent’s idea and I guess I just thought he’d do all the planning. He talks about it with this kind of excitement.”
“I’m going to send you some links. When I was there I saw a drag show and a production of Naked Boys Singing that was a lot of fun.”
“Really?”
“You haven’t done your homework. Wait a minute.”
Cheryl turned to her computer, pulled up her email, and began to work on a list. Triston watched her for a moment and smiled to himself. He really hadn’t thought about it.
*****
Twenty-four hours later, Vincent and Triston were poolside at their hotel, side by side in matching swimming briefs, covered from head to toe in sun-tan lotion, and wearing sunglasses. The backs of their hands comfortably rested against each other, some subtle connection that could have been an accident.
The only other person was an old woman who sat on the opposite side of the pool looking away from them with a cigarette in one hand and a book in the other. It was comfortable, sunny day.
Triston had his eyes closed when he felt Vincent move, his hand was gone. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Vincent putting on a robe.
“I’m going for a drink. Do you want something?”
“Maybe I should dry out,” Triston said.
“This is Vegas. I’ll get you what you had before.”
“Thanks,” Triston said.
He closed his eyes and raised his chin again into the sun. He listened to Vincent pad across the concrete to the bar where a lonely server sat transfixed with his cell phone. For once he felt comfortable, until he heard someone approaching who wasn’t Vincent. He opened his eyes to see a middle aged woman at the foot of his chair.
“Is that chair taken?”
“Uh yeah,” Triston said.
He looked to the woman and he suddenly felt uncomfortable because she was so much like his mother. She wasn’t dressed for the pool but her clothes were loose and open.
“We’re just trying to get some chairs together for the family,” she said.
Maybe it was the mention of family, maybe it was the presumption of them being heterosexual, maybe it was all that fear he had felt all of his life, and maybe it was a revolt against shame but his lips began to move faster than his brain.
“Sorry,” he said, “it’s where my boyfriend was sitting. He’s over at the bar.”
She smiled at him, then looked to the bar, and back. It was a sincere smile, though he feared it would turn cruel at any moment. He forced a smile of his own.
“He’s cute,” she said. “You know my son just came out recently. He’s in the armed services so it had to have been after they got rid of that ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. Don’t even get me started on that.”
Triston stopped himself from a nervous laugh.
“He’s here in town with the family but there’s a big difference in age between him and his younger brother. Well, big enough that I know he needs to get out an do adult things. He doesn’t have any friends here, maybe I should introduce you to him.”
Triston looked back to the bar where he saw Vincent walking away with a tray of drinks and snacks, but he wasn’t moving fast enough. Triston wanted rescued from this situation, but he looked back to the woman who moved to him and offered her hand. They shook.
“I’m Maggie,” she said.
“Triston,” he replied.
“When he gets here do you mind if I send him over to say hello?”
“No, not at all,” Triston said.
She walked away and moments later Vincent arrived. He placed the tray on the small table between them, scratched at himself.
“What was that about?”
“She wants us to meet her son. He just came out as gay and he’s here for the weekend but he doesn’t have any friends, and he’s in the armed services.”
“Is he cute?” Vincent asked.
“You know, that didn’t come up,” Triston answered.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Ch 34 Early Bird
“Oh, hi there.”
The surprised, familiar voice woke Spencer from his morning sleep. It had been distant, barely audible. He was face down in his bed, dressed in boxer shorts and an undershirt, no sheet covering him, which was unusual, because he always slept with at least a thin sheet. He flexed his hand to bring about more circulation as he shifted from one shoulder to the other.
“Hi, I’m Josh.”
“Hi, I’m Aden.”
Spencer groaned at hearing the two men introduce themselves to each other, and at such at an early time, when it was obvious why Aden was still there. Spencer grabbed hold of his scalp and began to massage it. He could barely open his eyes. He felt too tired to deal with anything. He rolled onto his back to listen for further conversation but he couldn’t hear it. Were they whispering? Did they think he was asleep or because they didn’t want him to hear?
He thought about getting up out of bed but the idea of finding them in the kitchen wasn’t something he liked so he waited. It wasn’t long before his bedroom door opened and in walked Aden, completely naked and carrying a bowl of cereal. He closed the door and moved to the foot of the bed where he ate a spoonful and looked down at Spencer who looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“Your roommate seems like a nice guy. He let me have some cereal. I don’t usually do carbs in the morning but after last night I’m starved. Do you want some?”
“No, I’m fine,” Spencer said before sitting up in bed. Even though the answer was obvious Spencer felt like asking the question, “Were you out there naked?”
“Yeah, I didn’t know you had a roommate,” Aden said.
“He’s more like a guest. Though he does pay rent, but it’s more like a temporary thing I guess. It’s a long story.”
“No problem, he’s cute.”
Spencer thought about Josh in the early mornings, sometimes he walked around in a pair of boxers and once a pair of briefs. He smiled at the thought.
“What?”
“Nothing, just get back in bed,” Spencer said.
Aden put another spoonful in his mouth before setting the bowl down and walking to the bed where he got in on his knees, moved to Spencer. They kissed. They groped. But then Spencer had second thoughts.
“My roommate,” he said.
“Don’t worry about,” Aden replied. “Unless you want him to join us.”
“Don’t be silly,” Spencer said. “Let’s wait until he goes jogging.”
“I can’t,” Aden said. “We’ll just be quiet.”
Spencer rolled over onto his chest, readied himself to bite into the pillow.
*****
Hours later at work Spencer checked his cell phone for messages but there were no replies from Aden. He thought about sending another text but stopped himself and put the phone in his desk drawer, then turned to his computer and tried to focus on work. It was a long day, but no messages from Aden until he was headed out of his office.
<Sorry been busy at gym. personal training with clients> - Aden
<No problem> - Spencer
<We should hang out some time. Maybe do some training or go on a date. How about tomorrow?> - Aden
Spencer looked at the message, read it through several times. Don’t get too excited, he told himself, don’t expect too much.
The surprised, familiar voice woke Spencer from his morning sleep. It had been distant, barely audible. He was face down in his bed, dressed in boxer shorts and an undershirt, no sheet covering him, which was unusual, because he always slept with at least a thin sheet. He flexed his hand to bring about more circulation as he shifted from one shoulder to the other.
“Hi, I’m Josh.”
“Hi, I’m Aden.”
Spencer groaned at hearing the two men introduce themselves to each other, and at such at an early time, when it was obvious why Aden was still there. Spencer grabbed hold of his scalp and began to massage it. He could barely open his eyes. He felt too tired to deal with anything. He rolled onto his back to listen for further conversation but he couldn’t hear it. Were they whispering? Did they think he was asleep or because they didn’t want him to hear?
He thought about getting up out of bed but the idea of finding them in the kitchen wasn’t something he liked so he waited. It wasn’t long before his bedroom door opened and in walked Aden, completely naked and carrying a bowl of cereal. He closed the door and moved to the foot of the bed where he ate a spoonful and looked down at Spencer who looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“Your roommate seems like a nice guy. He let me have some cereal. I don’t usually do carbs in the morning but after last night I’m starved. Do you want some?”
“No, I’m fine,” Spencer said before sitting up in bed. Even though the answer was obvious Spencer felt like asking the question, “Were you out there naked?”
“Yeah, I didn’t know you had a roommate,” Aden said.
“He’s more like a guest. Though he does pay rent, but it’s more like a temporary thing I guess. It’s a long story.”
“No problem, he’s cute.”
Spencer thought about Josh in the early mornings, sometimes he walked around in a pair of boxers and once a pair of briefs. He smiled at the thought.
“What?”
“Nothing, just get back in bed,” Spencer said.
Aden put another spoonful in his mouth before setting the bowl down and walking to the bed where he got in on his knees, moved to Spencer. They kissed. They groped. But then Spencer had second thoughts.
“My roommate,” he said.
“Don’t worry about,” Aden replied. “Unless you want him to join us.”
“Don’t be silly,” Spencer said. “Let’s wait until he goes jogging.”
“I can’t,” Aden said. “We’ll just be quiet.”
Spencer rolled over onto his chest, readied himself to bite into the pillow.
*****
Hours later at work Spencer checked his cell phone for messages but there were no replies from Aden. He thought about sending another text but stopped himself and put the phone in his desk drawer, then turned to his computer and tried to focus on work. It was a long day, but no messages from Aden until he was headed out of his office.
<Sorry been busy at gym. personal training with clients> - Aden
<No problem> - Spencer
<We should hang out some time. Maybe do some training or go on a date. How about tomorrow?> - Aden
Spencer looked at the message, read it through several times. Don’t get too excited, he told himself, don’t expect too much.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Ch 33 Johnny Law
Spencer drove. Chad was in the passenger seat with a printout of directions. The backseat of the car was full of supplies for the picnic.
“You’re wife does know you’re going to the beach with a bunch of gay guys right?”
“She encouraged it,” Chad replied.
“Who’s this guy you told me about?”
“His name is Aden. He’s a bar-back and sometimes a shot-boy like me. He’s nice.”
“Firm ass?”
Chad raised an eyebrow.
“I’m just asking. You said he had a nice body.”
“I just meant it’s weird he doesn’t like to take his shirt off is all.”
Spencer nodded but kept a serious face.
“Do you think I’m gay?”
“Bisexual,” Spencer said.
Chad sighed before looking away out the window. His body tensed.
“Hey look, I’m sorry,” Spencer said. “I was just kidding you. It’s really none of my business.”
“I know. It’s just that I used to get that sometimes, especially from the other guys on the force. They said I was light in my loafers and they used to joke about the way I sat.”
“I’m sorry, really,” Spencer replied.
Chad let out a nervous laugh before turning up the volume of the stereo. They drove the rest of the way barely speaking to each other except about directions. When they got to the lake they found that parking was easy and that several men were all ready there. The picnic was larger than either of them had believed it would be. Spencer suddenly felt bad for his friend even though didn’t seem bothered.
“Before we unpack maybe we should go say hello. Make sure we’re at the right place,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Chad replied.
They walked from the car to the group. It was mostly made of men, but there were a few women though they seemed to easily fit into a pairs. Most of the men were shirtless, several of them had tattoos, most all of them were hairless and muscled. As Spencer and Chad approached they began to get looks as if they were trespassers and for a moment they looked to each other, but then Chad caught sight of someone and called out his name, Ron, who broke from the crowd and made his way to them.
He was handsome and effeminate, with a mischievous grin. He introduced himself to Spencer, then moved to Chad and took hold of his arm. It was a familiar touch that didn’t bother Chad though Spencer felt uncomfortable for his friend.
“I see you guys are wearing swim trunks but I don’t see any towels. Will we be going into the water today?”
“If you are,” Chad said.
“Oh honey, I don’t know if I have the stamina for it. I haven’t eaten a thing all day to keep up my form so I look good shirtless.”
“Well, I’ll only go in if you do,” Chad said.
Spencer thought for a moment he was the one being challenged but then thought about Ron as he held onto Chad’s elbow.
“Always talking me into things,” Ron said. “I will if you will. How about your friend?”
“Uh, yeah, sure,” Spencer said.
“For a straight boy Chad here is quite a hit down at the bar. We’re trying to get him to be a dancer at the Unicorn,” Ron said. “We even have a stage name for him.”
“What is it?” Spencer asked.
“Johnny Law,” Ron answered.
Spencer let out a little laugh and looked to Chad who blushed and smiled. He felt compelled to add to the joke even though he felt bad for his friend. He tried to ignore the impulse and think of something else but it was right there on his tongue. He had thought about it so clearly that it just needed to be said.
“Either that or Night Stick,” Spencer added.
Ron and Chad both laughed.
“You’re a funny one. Look, I know you’re a stranger here but I can introduce you to some of the boys. Do you like them rough or like them nice?”
“Actually, I was going to introduce him to Aden. I thought they’d get along.”
Ron looked to Spencer, from head to toe, then back up. He had a judgmental face and Spencer felt like a cut of beef that was being evaluated by a butcher. It wasn’t an unfamiliar evaluation, one that he had done many, many times, but there in front of Chad, at the lake, and with so many strangers, it felt awkward.
“Too bad you didn’t think about me,” Ron said.
“That’s because I want you all to myself,” Chad said.
“Oh, you’re a terrible flirt. You straight boys always leading us on like that, but it does make me feel good.” Ron let go of Chad’s arm, moved to usher them towards the crowd. “Aden and some of the boys from the bar are on the other side of this meat market.”
They followed after him through the crowd. Spencer looked around at the other guys. He noted a few with chains around their necks and piercings. If Aden was a bust then there were still others. The crowd thinned as they got closer to the beach. There were only a few men and a woman in the water who seemed to be there just to swim.
“I don’t see him,” Chad said.
Spencer felt defeated for a moment. There was no treasure at the end of the trail. He thought about going back for a beer when Ron made a noise.
“There he is in the water. Yoo-hoo Aden, over here,” he called out.
Spencer looked to Ron, then looked out into the lake where he saw a head just above the water. The man was handsome, if only by his head, which began to move closer. Spencer watched as broad shoulders, muscled arms, flat pectorals, a defined abdomen, a narrow waist, a small swimsuit, a swimmer’s brief, strong thighs, and finally two bare feet emerged from the water. For someone who is supposed to be shy he doesn’t seem to swim in much, he thought.
“Come here Aden we want you to meet someone,” Ron said.
Spencer felt as if his own body fell to the ground and he was just a head floating there, a head and a heart. Aden got closer. Spencer felt his body as if it were slowly rebuilding itself until he had to accept that it was the same, familiar form it had always been, and not one he felt comfortable showing, but he held out his hand anyway, and Aden took it.
Despite having been swimming it was remarkably firm and warm. Spencer felt the hairs on his arm and the back of his neck raise up. It felt as if a current had traveled through his body.
“I’m Aden.”
When Spencer didn’t speak Chad spoke up for him.
“This is Spencer. He’s not normally this quiet,” he said.
“You’re wife does know you’re going to the beach with a bunch of gay guys right?”
“She encouraged it,” Chad replied.
“Who’s this guy you told me about?”
“His name is Aden. He’s a bar-back and sometimes a shot-boy like me. He’s nice.”
“Firm ass?”
Chad raised an eyebrow.
“I’m just asking. You said he had a nice body.”
“I just meant it’s weird he doesn’t like to take his shirt off is all.”
Spencer nodded but kept a serious face.
“Do you think I’m gay?”
“Bisexual,” Spencer said.
Chad sighed before looking away out the window. His body tensed.
“Hey look, I’m sorry,” Spencer said. “I was just kidding you. It’s really none of my business.”
“I know. It’s just that I used to get that sometimes, especially from the other guys on the force. They said I was light in my loafers and they used to joke about the way I sat.”
“I’m sorry, really,” Spencer replied.
Chad let out a nervous laugh before turning up the volume of the stereo. They drove the rest of the way barely speaking to each other except about directions. When they got to the lake they found that parking was easy and that several men were all ready there. The picnic was larger than either of them had believed it would be. Spencer suddenly felt bad for his friend even though didn’t seem bothered.
“Before we unpack maybe we should go say hello. Make sure we’re at the right place,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Chad replied.
They walked from the car to the group. It was mostly made of men, but there were a few women though they seemed to easily fit into a pairs. Most of the men were shirtless, several of them had tattoos, most all of them were hairless and muscled. As Spencer and Chad approached they began to get looks as if they were trespassers and for a moment they looked to each other, but then Chad caught sight of someone and called out his name, Ron, who broke from the crowd and made his way to them.
He was handsome and effeminate, with a mischievous grin. He introduced himself to Spencer, then moved to Chad and took hold of his arm. It was a familiar touch that didn’t bother Chad though Spencer felt uncomfortable for his friend.
“I see you guys are wearing swim trunks but I don’t see any towels. Will we be going into the water today?”
“If you are,” Chad said.
“Oh honey, I don’t know if I have the stamina for it. I haven’t eaten a thing all day to keep up my form so I look good shirtless.”
“Well, I’ll only go in if you do,” Chad said.
Spencer thought for a moment he was the one being challenged but then thought about Ron as he held onto Chad’s elbow.
“Always talking me into things,” Ron said. “I will if you will. How about your friend?”
“Uh, yeah, sure,” Spencer said.
“For a straight boy Chad here is quite a hit down at the bar. We’re trying to get him to be a dancer at the Unicorn,” Ron said. “We even have a stage name for him.”
“What is it?” Spencer asked.
“Johnny Law,” Ron answered.
Spencer let out a little laugh and looked to Chad who blushed and smiled. He felt compelled to add to the joke even though he felt bad for his friend. He tried to ignore the impulse and think of something else but it was right there on his tongue. He had thought about it so clearly that it just needed to be said.
“Either that or Night Stick,” Spencer added.
Ron and Chad both laughed.
“You’re a funny one. Look, I know you’re a stranger here but I can introduce you to some of the boys. Do you like them rough or like them nice?”
“Actually, I was going to introduce him to Aden. I thought they’d get along.”
Ron looked to Spencer, from head to toe, then back up. He had a judgmental face and Spencer felt like a cut of beef that was being evaluated by a butcher. It wasn’t an unfamiliar evaluation, one that he had done many, many times, but there in front of Chad, at the lake, and with so many strangers, it felt awkward.
“Too bad you didn’t think about me,” Ron said.
“That’s because I want you all to myself,” Chad said.
“Oh, you’re a terrible flirt. You straight boys always leading us on like that, but it does make me feel good.” Ron let go of Chad’s arm, moved to usher them towards the crowd. “Aden and some of the boys from the bar are on the other side of this meat market.”
They followed after him through the crowd. Spencer looked around at the other guys. He noted a few with chains around their necks and piercings. If Aden was a bust then there were still others. The crowd thinned as they got closer to the beach. There were only a few men and a woman in the water who seemed to be there just to swim.
“I don’t see him,” Chad said.
Spencer felt defeated for a moment. There was no treasure at the end of the trail. He thought about going back for a beer when Ron made a noise.
“There he is in the water. Yoo-hoo Aden, over here,” he called out.
Spencer looked to Ron, then looked out into the lake where he saw a head just above the water. The man was handsome, if only by his head, which began to move closer. Spencer watched as broad shoulders, muscled arms, flat pectorals, a defined abdomen, a narrow waist, a small swimsuit, a swimmer’s brief, strong thighs, and finally two bare feet emerged from the water. For someone who is supposed to be shy he doesn’t seem to swim in much, he thought.
“Come here Aden we want you to meet someone,” Ron said.
Spencer felt as if his own body fell to the ground and he was just a head floating there, a head and a heart. Aden got closer. Spencer felt his body as if it were slowly rebuilding itself until he had to accept that it was the same, familiar form it had always been, and not one he felt comfortable showing, but he held out his hand anyway, and Aden took it.
Despite having been swimming it was remarkably firm and warm. Spencer felt the hairs on his arm and the back of his neck raise up. It felt as if a current had traveled through his body.
“I’m Aden.”
When Spencer didn’t speak Chad spoke up for him.
“This is Spencer. He’s not normally this quiet,” he said.
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